Witch, You’re the Magic: How to De-Center Men from Your Life

As witches, we walk a path of sovereignty—of choosing ourselves again and again. But in a world steeped in patriarchy, it's easy (and often expected) to orbit around the needs, validation, and desires of men—consciously or unconsciously. Whether it’s romantic obsession, the need for male approval, or shaping your identity in contrast to the masculine gaze, de-centering men is a powerful act of magic.

This isn’t about hating men. This is about choosing you. Choosing wholeness. Choosing pleasure, power, and peace on your terms. And when you invoke the divine feminine energies of Lilith and Venus, you’ll find yourself not just free—but exalted. Let’s dive into how to shift your energy and mindset using magic, embodiment, and ritual.

Quick disclaimer: I am going to be sharing tips here on how to embody Lilith and Venus energy but that doesn’t mean you have to work with these deities. If you have other deities with similar energies you can incorporate them into these tips or you can simply embody this energy without actually connecting to any deities.

Why De-Centering Men Is a Magical Act

De-centering men doesn’t mean rejecting love, partnership, or masculinity altogether. It means releasing the need to be seen, validated, or completed by men. It’s stepping out of patriarchal programming and into your own magnetic power.

When you stop performing for the male gaze, when you redirect your energy inward or toward your sacred community, you begin to:

- Reclaim lost parts of yourself

- Make decisions based on intuition and desire, not expectation

- Free your sexual and creative energy from shame

- Heal deep emotional wounds around worth and desirability

This is shadow work. This is revolutionary. This is witchcraft.

Embodying Lilith Energy: Raw, Rebellious, Unapologetic

Lilith, the first woman before Eve, refused to submit. She walked away from paradise rather than be beneath a man—and that act of defiance made her demonized by patriarchy. But witches? We honor her.

Ways to Embody Lilith:

1. Reclaim Your Rage: Write a letter to the systems, exes, or moments that made you feel small. Burn it under a dark moon.

2. Cut the Cords: Perform a cord-cutting ritual with black thread or candle wax to sever energetic ties to men you’re ready to release. If you’re not familiar with this ritual, I have a guide posted here.

3. Say No, Unapologetically: Practice saying no to things that drain you. Say no to emotional labor. No to breadcrumbing. No to being someone’s “maybe.” Don’t be afraid to say no and don’t feel the need to explain your no. No is enough of a response and does not need further explanation. However, if this is difficult for you at first, thats normal, it was for me too. When that’s the case, try redirecting or altering your response. Example:

If a friend asks to hangout but you are too tired to give your energy simply say, “That sounds great, but how about on x day?” This isn’t a direct no, and it’s providing an alternative option that would work for you.

4. Sexual Sovereignty Ritual: Touch your body with reverence—not for performance, but for you. Light a black candle, speak affirmations into the mirror, and feel into your own pleasure.

Lilith says: “You do not need to be palatable to be powerful.”

Embodying Venus Energy: Pleasure, Magnetism, Worth

Venus is the goddess of love, beauty, sensuality—but she is also the embodiment of high standards and divine self-worth. She receives. She doesn't chase. And she reminds us: You are worthy because you exist, not because someone else chooses you.

Ways to Embody Venus:

1. Create a Venusian Altar: Adorn it with roses, pink or copper candles, honey, and perfume. Dedicate it to your own beauty, pleasure, and radiance. These are just suggestions, if you want more tips on creating an altar check this post out next.

2. Rituals of Receiving: Practice receiving without guilt—compliments, help, money, orgasms, abundance. Venus is about receiving in overflow.

3. Romance Yourself: Take yourself on a date. Dress up just for you. Write yourself a love letter. Cook something decadent and serve it with ceremony.

4. Mirror Magic: Each morning, look into the mirror and say: “I am the lover I’ve been waiting for. I am irresistible to everything meant for me.” Create your own affirmations of self-worth, self-love and appreciation for all that you are.

Venus says: “You are the prize, not the pursuer.”

Magical Practices to Support De-Centering Men

Journal Prompts:

• Where in my life have I put men’s comfort over my truth?

• What do I gain when I choose myself first?

• How can I cultivate love, attention, and intimacy without relying on a romantic partner?

Moon Magic:

• Use the waning moon to release old attachments and people-pleasing habits.

• On the new moon, set intentions for how you want to show up in your power and feminine energy.

Protection Spells:

• Cast a spell to shield your energy from emotional vampires or masculine projections.

• Wear obsidian or black tourmaline to keep your aura clean and sovereign.

Venus Day Ritual:

• Create a ritual on Friday’s, the day of the goddess, of your inner goddess.

• Build a self-care routine — incorporate a cleansing bath, light candles, meditate or dance, treat yourself to a self-pleasure day.

Re-Writing the Narrative

You were never meant to be someone’s side character. You are the main event. When you de-center men, you re-center yourself—and that’s where your magic expands exponentially. This is your invitation to live, love, and lead from your essence—not expectation. Embody Lilith when you need to rage and reclaim. Embody Venus when you want to soften and seduce. Either way—do it for you.

Journal Prompt Before You Go:

What would my life look like if I truly made myself the center of my universe?